Chapter 11

A VISION FOR YOU

(pp. 131-140)

For most normal folks, drinking means fun, friendship, and carefree enjoyment. It means an escape from boredom and worry. It is joyful time spent with friends and a feeling that life is good.

But alcoholics who are in the final days of their heavy drinking don't feel this way at all. Any pleasure they used to take in drinking is gone. Good times are just memories. Those of us in this situation can't relive our most enjoyable moments anymore. This is painful for us. Many of us are heartbroken that we can't feel joyful and carefree while we drink. We are convinced that a miracle might happen, and we might suddenly have control over our drinking. That's one reason we keep trying and failing. We always think the next time we drink will bring that miracle of control.

As people in our lives became more disappointed and frustrated with us, we spent more time alone. We withdrew from society and from life itself. We became like people who lived in a country ruled by King Alcohol. The longer we lived in this crazy place the lonelier we became. Loneliness was like a fog that surrounded us, becoming thicker and blacker all the time.

Some of us visited dirty and dangerous places as we searched for other people who would understand and accept us. Whenever we did, we were relieved for a while. But then we would drink until we couldn't remember anything at all. And when we woke up, we had to face the hideous Four Horsemen of Alcoholism—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand exactly what we mean.

We have found a solution

Sometimes a serious drinker who is dry at the moment will say, “I don't miss it at all. I feel better. Work is better. I'm having a better time than I did when I was always drunk.” As ex-problem drinkers ourselves, we smile to ourselves when we hear this. We know this person is just trying to keep up his spirits, like someone whistling in the darkness to cope with their fear. They're fooling themselves. Inside, they would give anything to have six or seven drinks and get away with it.

They will try to do just that, since they are so terribly unhappy being sober. They can't imagine their life without alcohol. And some day, they won't be able to imagine life with alcohol or without it. They won't want to imagine life continuing at all. A person who reaches this place will experience deep and extreme loneliness. We say they are at the “jumping-off place.” They will wish to end their life.

In this book, we have shown how we escaped that place ourselves. But now you may be thinking, “Yes, I'm willing to try. But does that mean my life will become boring and joyless? Like the lives of some righteous people I see? I know I have to live without liquor, but how can I do that? And will this new way of living replace liquor with something else? Something to help me feel happy and energized?”

Yes, there is a replacement and it will give you more than alcohol ever could. It is the Fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. It will help you find relief from boredom and worry. Your imagination will come alive. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfying years of your life lie ahead. This is how we feel about the Fellowship, and so will you.

“How will this happen?” you ask. “Where will I find these people?”

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people on a sinking ship. If you live in a large city or community, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future members of Alcoholics Anonymous. When you find and meet them, you will make lifelong friends. You will feel connected to them deeply and permanently because you will escape from the disaster of drinking together. You will walk arm in arm with them on your journey. And when you do this, you'll know what it means to give generously so that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

It may seem unbelievable that these people will become happy, respected, and successful again. How can they recover from so much misery, disgrace, and hopelessness? Since these things have happened for us, we know they can happen for you. If you wish for them more than anything, and are willing to learn from our experiences, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is now. Our own recovery proves that!

Our hope is that when this book is available to all of the world's alcoholics, drinkers who have lost hope will find it, read it, and follow its suggestions. We are sure that many of them will get back on their feet and keep going. They will reach out to other sick people, and Fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous will begin appearing in each city and town, safe spaces for people who seek a way out.

How Alcoholics Anonymous has grown

In the chapter “Working with Others,” you got an idea of how we help others return to health. Now imagine that you have helped several families adopt our way of life. You will want to know what you should do next. We think the best way to give you a glimpse into your future is to talk about the growth of the Fellowship among us:

Years ago, in 1935, a businessman traveled to a city in the western United States. It was a business trip, and it went badly. If it had gone well, he would have solved many of his financial problems. At the time, that seemed extremely important to him. But his business idea ended in a lawsuit, which resulted in many hard feelings.

Feeling bitter and discouraged, the businessman found himself in a strange place. His reputation was totally destroyed and he was almost broke. He had been sober for just a few months, so he felt physically weak and spiritually helpless. He saw that his situation was dangerous. He wanted so much to talk with someone. But whom?

One gray afternoon he walked through his hotel lobby, wondering how he could pay the bill. At one end of the room was a directory of local churches. At the other end, a door opened into an attractive bar. The businessman could see the happy crowd inside. He knew that in the bar, he would find friendship and relief. If he didn't have a few drinks, he might not have the courage to meet and talk with anyone new during his trip. He would have a lonely weekend.

Of course he couldn't drink, but why not sit at a table with a ginger ale? After all, he'd been sober for six months now. Maybe he could handle just three drinks—no more! Fear gripped him. The businessman knew he was on thin ice. He felt the old, deadly insanity—that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked toward the church directory. Music and lively conversation still floated to him from the bar.

But what about his responsibilities? His family? What about all those other alcoholics who would die because they would not know how to get well? He knew there must be many of them in this town. He would call a minister. His sanity returned and he thanked God. He chose a church at random from the directory. Then he stepped into a phone booth and lifted the receiver.

The businessman spoke with a local religious leader, who connected him to a man who lived in town. This man had once been healthy and respected, but now he was drowning in alcoholic despair. It was the usual situation: He couldn't pay the mortgage, his wife was ill, the children were distracted, and his debts were out of control. This local man desperately wanted to stop drinking but saw no way out. He had tried so many times to escape. He was painfully aware that he was somehow abnormal, but he didn't fully understand what it meant to be alcoholic.¹

When the businessman talked about his experience, the local man agreed that willpower alone could never stop his drinking for long. He also agreed that a spiritual experience was absolutely necessary. But he was scared to try it since it meant admitting his problem to people who might judge him. The local man explained how he lived in constant worry over people finding out about his alcoholism. Like so many of us, he believed that few people in his life knew he drank. The local man was also worried about his work. Why should he ruin what was left of his career? If he admitted to the people who paid him that he struggled with alcohol, he would just bring more suffering to his family. He would do anything but that, he said. However, he was interested in the ideas that the businessman described, so he invited the businessman to his home.

Some time later, right when he thought he was getting control of his drinking, the local man went on an unbelievable bender. For him, this was the spree that ended all sprees. He realized that he would have to face his problems and ask for God's help.

One morning he gathered his courage and decided to tell the people in his life about his problem. This included the people whose judgment he was most worried about. As the local man talked with them, he was surprised by how open and understanding they were. He learned that many of them already knew about his drinking. Stepping into his car, he began to visit all of the people he had hurt. He was so nervous that his body shook. He knew that having these conversations might ruin his career. But he had them anyway.

At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since then. As you will find out soon, this local man now means a great deal to his community. The damage he caused by 30 years of hard drinking has been repaired in just four years.

Finding more fellows

The two friends continued to talk with each other, and continued to think about how they could find and talk with other alcoholics. But life was not easy for these two friends. Plenty of difficulties showed up. Both of them knew that they needed to stay spiritually active. They needed to keep talking to other alcoholics. One day they called the head nurse of a local hospital. They explained their need and asked if she could connect them to any other alcoholics.

She replied, “Yes, we've got a real winner for you. He's just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes out of his mind completely when he's drinking, but he's a sweet man when he's sober. He's been in here eight times over the last six months. He was once a well-known lawyer in town, but right now we've got him strapped down tight.”²

Here was an alcoholic all right, but the businessman and the local man weren't sure they could help him. Using spiritual principles to help alcoholics was still a new idea back then. But they said, “Put him in a private room. We'll come talk to him.”

Two days later, a future member of Alcoholics Anonymous stared at the strangers beside his bed. His eyes were wide with confusion. “Who are you guys, and why am I in this private room? I was always in a ward before.”

They told him, “We're giving you a treatment for alcoholism.”

Hopelessness filled the lawyer's face as he replied, “Oh, that won't work. Nothing can fix me. I'm a goner. The last three times, I got drunk on the way home from here. I'm afraid to go out the door. I can't understand it.”

For an hour, the businessman and the local man told him about their own drinking experiences. Over and over, he would say, “That's me. That's me. I drink like that.”

The man in the bed was told about the disease he was suffering from. He heard about how it ruins the body of an alcoholic and twists his mind. They talked a lot about the thoughts and feelings they all had before taking that first drink.

“Yes, that's me,” said the sick lawyer, “You guys know your stuff all right, but I don't see what good it'll do. You guys are both ‘somebody.' I was somebody once, but I'm a nobody now. From what you've told me, I definitely can't stop. I know that now more than ever.”

At this both the visitors burst out laughing. The lawyer said, “I don't see how that's anything to laugh about.”

The businessman and the local man spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about the program of action they followed.

The lawyer interrupted: “I used to be very involved in the church, but that won't fix it. I've prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I'd never touch another drop. But by nine o'clock I'd be drunk as a skunk.”

The businessman and the local man returned the next day, and found the lawyer feeling more hopeful. He had been thinking it over. “Maybe you're right,” he said. “God ought to be able to do anything.” Then he added, “Though God sure didn't do much for me when I was trying to fight against the booze all alone.”

On the third day, the lawyer asked for care and direction from his Higher Power, and said he was completely willing to do anything necessary to stop drinking. His wife came to visit, doubting but hopeful. She said she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to have a spiritual experience.

That afternoon he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man. He entered a political campaign, made speeches, went to all kinds of bars and restaurants, often staying up all night. He lost the election by only a narrow margin. But he had found God—and in finding God had found himself.

That was in June, 1935. He never drank again. He also became a respected and successful member of his community. He helped other people recover and returned to the faith he had left behind.

Now there were three alcoholics in that town who believed they needed to give to others what they had found, or be lost forever.

The fourth member, and beyond

After struggling to find other alcoholics, a fourth one finally turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard about the recovery program of the three men.

This fourth alcoholic was a reckless young man whose parents couldn't tell if he wanted to stop drinking or not. They were deeply religious people. They were shocked and worried by their son's rejection of God and the church. He suffered horribly from his drinking sprees, but it seemed like nothing could be done to help him. He agreed to go to the hospital, where he stayed in the very same room where the lawyer had recovered. He had three visitors. After a little while, he said, “The way you guys put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I'm ready to do it. I guess the old folks were right after all.”

So one more was added to the Fellowship.

All this time, the businessman was still in that town. He was there for three months. He now returned home, leaving behind the local man, the lawyer, and the reckless young man. These men had found something brand new in life. They knew they needed to help other alcoholics if they wanted to remain sober themselves. But that barely seemed to matter. What mattered more was the happiness they found in talking with others. They shared their homes, their small savings, and gladly spent their free time with fellow sufferers. Any time of the day or night, they were willing to help an alcoholic get to the hospital, and willing to visit them afterward.

The Fellowship grew larger. They experienced a few upsetting failures with alcoholics who could not follow their suggestions. In those cases, they tried to bring the person's family into a spiritual way of living.

A year and six months later, these three men had succeeded with seven more. They spent lots of time together. Almost every night, someone's home was hosting a little gathering of people, all feeling happy and relieved.

These Fellowship members were constantly thinking about how they could share their discovery with other alcoholics. In addition to casual get-togethers, the Fellowship started gathering for a more formal meeting one night each week. These meetings were open to anyone and everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. On top of offering friendship and social connection, the main goal of these meetings was to provide a time and place where new people could bring their problems.

Outsiders became interested in the program. One husband and wife offered their large home as a gathering place for this odd crowd of people. This couple became so dedicated to the work that they turned their entire home into a place for A.A. members to find help. Many worried partners of alcoholics have visited this house to find loving and understanding companionship among people who understand their problems. Many husbands have visited to hear their wives explain what had happened to them. Many partners have visited to learn how to talk helpfully with their own loved ones.

Alcoholics who still felt tired and confused from being in the hospital have stepped through the door of that house into freedom. Many alcoholics who entered with questions left with answers. Picture one now, a woman. She is drawn to the happy crowd inside, who laugh at their own bad luck and understand hers. She was moved by the members who visited her in the hospital. She fully embraced the power of this way of life when someone inside the house told a story that sounded exactly like her own. The open expressions on everyone's faces, the light in their eyes, and the exciting and welcoming feeling in the house tell her that she is safe at last. The very practical approach to her problems, the complete lack of judgment, the casual feeling of the gathering, the cooperation, the deep understanding these people shared all make her feel at home. She will leave excited to think of what she can do now for an alcoholic friend and his family.

They knew they had a huge group of new friends. It felt like they had always known these strangers. They had seen miracles, and one was coming into their own lives. They had seen a better way to live, and done it by connecting with their Higher Power.

The Fellowship today

Over time, the house became too small to hold all of its visitors. Alcoholics would come from surrounding towns, and families drove long distances to gather there. A community 30 miles away from the house had 15 members of Alcoholics Anonymous. The people who gathered there knew that their Fellowship would continue to grow and grow. They were right.

But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than going to gatherings and visiting hospitals. The kinds of things we might do each day include fixing professional mistakes, helping to settle family arguments, explaining the troubled son to his angry parents, lending money, and getting jobs for each other. No one has sunk too low to be welcomed by us, as long as they honestly want to recover. Social differences, arguments, and jealousies all get left at the door. In the Fellowship, we have all ridden on the same shipwrecked boat, only to be saved and repaired by God. Our hearts and minds are focused on the recovery of others. The things that matter so much to some people no longer matter to us. How could they?

The same thing is taking place in many cities in the eastern United States. In one of these cities there is a well-known hospital for the treatment of alcoholism. One of our members was a patient there several years ago. Many of us have felt the presence and power of God in this building. We are also incredibly grateful to the doctor there. He has told us how strongly he believes in our work. Every few days, this doctor suggests our approach to one of his patients.

Since he understands our work, the doctor can do this carefully. He picks only patients he thinks are willing and able to recover on a spiritual basis. Many of us are former patients of his, and so we go there to help. In this same city, there are informal meetings like the ones we have described to you. At these meetings, people are making deep friendships. They are helping each other, just like those of us in the western United States are doing. There is a lot of travel between east and west. We believe the groups from both areas will help each other greatly.

Someday we hope that every alcoholic who searches will find the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. In many cases this is already true. Some of us travel around to talk about the program. And those of us who travel for business or fun will visit local A.A. groups while we're away from home. This allows us to lend a hand, at the same time avoiding the temptation to drink while traveling.³

That's how our Fellowship grew. And you can grow, too, even though you're just one person with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.

We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that.” But you can. You forget that you have just now discovered a source of power much greater than yourself. Doing what we have done only requires willingness, patience, and hard work.

We know of an A.A. member who was living in a large community. He had lived there for just a few weeks when he discovered that the place probably had more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. The local police were very concerned. He got in touch with a well-known psychiatrist who was working on mental health issues in the community. The doctor was extremely eager to try anything that might help him handle the situation. So he asked our friend what he had in mind.

Our friend explained the Twelve Steps and the program to him. The doctor was so impressed that he agreed to try it on his patients and with other alcoholics at a nearby clinic. Then he contacted the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to choose even more participants from the stream of miserable alcoholics running through his door.

Our friend knew he would soon have more friends than he could count. Some of them might fall and never get up. But we know that more than half of the people we talk to will become members of Alcoholics Anonymous. After a few people in our friend's new city discovered the joy of helping others face life again, there was no stopping until everyone in that town had the chance to recover.

Still you may say: “But I don't know how to find people who understand Alcoholics Anonymous as deeply as the authors of this book.” If you don't look for them, how can you be sure you won't find them? Trust in your Higher Power. God will show you how to find and create the Fellowship you are looking for.⁴

Our book is meant to offer you suggestions only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly show more to you and to us. Ask God in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the person who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot give something you haven't got. Make sure that your relationship with God is strong, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Give yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to God and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We will be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you—until then.

¹This refers to Bill's first visit with Dr. Bob. These men later became co-founders of A.A. Bill's story is at the beginning of this book; Dr. Bob's story starts on page 142.

²This refers to Bill's and Dr. Bob's first visit to A.A. Number Three. This resulted in A.A.'s first group, at Akron, Ohio, in 1935.

³When the first edition of the Big Book was printed, A.A. had approximately 100 members.

⁴Alcoholics Anonymous will be glad to hear from you. Address: P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163. Website: www.aa.org.