Chapter 2

THERE IS A SOLUTION

(pp. 34-43)

We, the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of people who have felt just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all of those people have learned to live in sobriety. Through A.A., they have solved their drinking problem.

We are a large and varied group of people who live all over the world. We come from many countries and work at many different jobs. We come from many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not spend time together. But through our experiences with A.A., we have found friendship, fellowship, and understanding. We are like passengers on a boat that has been shipwrecked, right after we've been rescued. We feel connected because of what we have all experienced. And we feel joy because we are so relieved that our lives are no longer in danger. We have escaped disaster. We all feel this, no matter what our lives are like outside of A.A. We might be rich or poor, young or old, with our families or totally alone. When we are together, none of that matters to us.

Unlike rescued passengers from a sinking boat, our joy lasts long after we've left behind our drinking days. Knowing that we've all faced the same type of danger ties us all together. So does the fact that we've found a solution to our drinking, and we're experiencing that solution together. These things make us into a Fellowship.

The tremendous fact is we have found a way to recover from alcoholism, and we agree on it completely. This book was created so that anyone who suffers from alcoholism can learn about this Fellowship, and decide if they'd like to join us.

We believe that alcoholism is a sickness, and it affects all of the people in our lives. When someone has cancer, people feel sorry for them, but no one is angry or hurt about the fact that they have cancer. This is not how it is with alcoholism. People do get angry at us. This is because alcoholism causes pain and destruction for everyone who knows and loves us. It causes misunderstandings, bitterness, and money problems. It makes our friends and employers feel frustrated and disappointed in us. It hurts our children, our partners, and our parents. Everyone we know is affected.

We hope the information and stories in this book will help and comfort these people, too—people who aren't alcoholics themselves but have been affected by the alcoholics they know need help and support.

Alcoholics who help each other feel understood

Many excellent doctors who treat alcoholics have trouble getting us to talk about our experiences. We may share a little, but we don't feel comfortable explaining how we feel. Our partners, parents, and close friends have an even harder time talking to us about alcoholism. Most of us don't want to describe our feelings or struggles, even to people who care about us.

But recovering alcoholics who are already in A.A. are completely different. We can usually gain the trust of other alcoholics very quickly. Ex-problem drinkers who have joined A.A. understand how alcoholism works. They are often able to help alcoholics who are still drinking to open up and start talking. Without this connection, very little (or nothing at all) will work.

This is because recovering alcoholics in the A.A. program have had many of the same problems and struggles as newcomers to A.A. We have experienced the same pains and seen the same situations go wrong. So when a recovering alcoholic talks with a newcomer, the newcomer feels at home. It's clear that the recovering alcoholic has found a way to end a damaging drinking career, and truly wants to help the alcoholic who is still drinking. It's an open and welcoming conversation. The newcomer may worry at first that there's some sort of “catch.” Will they have to listen to long lectures? Will they have to pay fees or follow lots of rules? Very quickly they realize that talking with an A.A. member is safe. Their conversations are just honest sharing of stories.

In Alcoholics Anonymous, newcomers don't feel judged or pressured. The only goal of A.A. members is to help. This simple approach to recovery has helped many alcoholics find hope.

Why was the Big Book created?

A.A. members are not paid to help each other. We don't think that the program would be more effective if we paid members or experts to work for us. We believe that when an alcoholic stops drinking, that is just the beginning of recovery. The rest of the recovery journey is longer and slower. It involves being able to live by A.A.'s principles each day, at home and at work. All of us are on that journey, no matter how long we have been members of A.A. Learning to live by these guiding principles is absolutely essential to our recovery.

All of us are also dedicated to helping new A.A. members—or anyone who joins the program and is struggling. When A.A. first began, everything was done person to person, which worked very well and helped hundreds of people get sober. But we wanted to find ways to reach and help more alcoholics. The members who lived in large cities saw that people were struggling with alcoholism every day. Those people might be able to recover if they understood how A.A. worked. We knew there must be a way to spread their ideas.

Eventually, we decided to publish an anonymous book that explained the challenges of alcoholism and the basics of the A.A. program. We combined our experiences and knowledge to write about what we'd created, and why, and how it could be helpful to anyone with a drinking problem.

We wanted this book to feel welcoming to anyone, regardless of their background or views. But we also realized that any book about alcoholism would need to talk about medical, psychiatric, social, and religious issues. So we did not skip over these upsetting and controversial topics. In fact, we pointed out that A.A. members are more helpful to each other when they can disagree respectfully. Learning to see things from multiple angles helps us become more accepting and tolerant. This makes us more useful as A.A. members.

And as you will see, being useful to other alcoholics and helping them is absolutely essential to being in recovery in A.A.

Understanding types of drinkers

You probably have many questions about how A.A. works. You might wonder what you need to do to join the program. This book will answer all of those questions in the coming chapters. But first, we need to explain a few important ideas about alcoholism itself.

Many alcoholics have heard—or been told—many of the following things:

“I can drink when I want, and stop when I want. Why can't she do the same thing?”

“That guy just can't handle his booze.”

“She has zero self-control.”

“Why don't you stick to beer and wine? Too much hard liquor is your problem.”

“I'm sure he could stop if he wanted to.”

“He's got a family at home. You'd think he'd get sober for their sake.”

“The doctor told her if she ever drank again it would kill her … but she just keeps getting wasted.”

These pieces of advice and opinions are all very common. Some alcoholics hear them all the time. But they are all based on misunderstandings about alcoholism. People who say these things aren't aware of how alcoholism actually works. And because they aren't aware, they compare alcoholics to other kinds of drinkers.

If they have a good reason, average drinkers can usually give up liquor. They can take it or leave it. They can “go cold turkey,” as the saying goes.

Hard drinkers struggle more to break the cycle. There's a certain type of hard drinker whose habits affect both physical and mental health. Drinking may even cause them to die earlier than they would otherwise. But some of these hard drinkers can still reverse their habits. If a strong reason comes up, they can stop drinking. Serious sickness, falling in love, getting a new job, moving to a new place, or getting a warning from a doctor may be enough to make them change. They may stop or slow down their drinking, even if they need medical support to make the changes stick.

But what about chronic alcoholics? Lifelong, serious alcoholics? Some of us start off as average drinkers, and over time become hard drinkers. At both of these early stages, we still have some control over our actions. But if we continue to drink frequently, we will form a drinking habit that's almost impossible to break. When this happens, it can seem like we've crossed an invisible line. Whenever we start to drink, we cannot control how much we drink. And we certainly can't stop drinking altogether.

For non-alcoholics, it can be extremely confusing to watch chronic alcoholics live their lives. We often do strange and destructive things while drinking. This includes things we would never do while sober. We may seem like two different people living in one body. Alcoholics can seem like happy, normal people until we spend a day drinking. After that, we often become angry, dangerous, and unreliable. We may be reasonable about everything except liquor. When it comes to drinking and alcohol, we become dishonest and selfish. Some chronic alcoholics are talented people who seem to have promising careers and lives ahead of them … but all that hope is destroyed when we go on drinking sprees.

Some alcoholic behaviors seem downright strange to non- drinkers. We may go to bed extremely drunk, wake up very hungover, and still look for more liquor in the morning. We may hide alcohol all over the house so no one can pour our entire supply down the toilet. As our condition gets worse, we might use both drugs and liquor to quiet our nerves so we can keep going to work. Eventually this stops working, and then we stop trying. If things get bad enough, some chronic alcoholics will go to medical doctors for help, but few doctors understand how to help us.

Does this description fit every alcoholic? Of course not. Our behaviors vary, and so do our lives. But if you are struggling with drinking yourself, some of what you've just read will probably sound familiar.

Why can't alcoholics just stop drinking?

Why do alcoholics behave like this? Especially when we know from experience that taking one drink will lead to more drinks? And that leads to being drunk and making terrible choices? If alcoholics can use common sense and willpower in other areas of our lives, why can't we use it when it comes to drinking?

There are no easy answers to these questions. Experts have a variety of opinions about why alcoholics react differently to liquor. No one is sure why we have so much trouble controlling our drinking.

But we are sure that a single drink is enough to affect our behavior in very serious ways. When we stop drinking for months or years at a time, we are able to change ourselves. With no liquor in our systems, we can control our actions and choices. We become more like normal people. But as soon as we drink any amount of alcohol, something happens that makes it impossible for us to stop. It doesn't matter how long we have been sober. One drink can start the terrible cycle of drinking again.

The alcoholic's main problem lives within the mind. Most alcoholics cannot explain why we decide to drink. When asked for a reason, we may give some excuse that makes no sense. Our excuses sound ridiculous since drinking causes such chaos and pain in our lives. We may even say something that has no logic at all. We may sound like people who deal with headaches by hitting themselves on the head with a hammer. (They are in more pain than before, but they don't feel the headache anymore.) Our reasons and choices are totally confusing to sober people. But if anyone points this out, we usually laugh it off or get angry.

Once in a while, alcoholics tell the truth. And the truth is usually that we have absolutely no idea why we take that first drink. Some drinkers make up excuses when people ask about their drinking, but in our hearts we just don't know why we do it. As our alcoholism gets worse, we feel confused a lot of the time. Many of us believe that someday, somehow, we will find a way to trick ourselves into getting sober. Many more of us secretly believe we are lost forever.

The sad truth is that alcoholics are often lost. We cannot control our drinking. At a certain point, all alcoholics realize that we have no control. Even though we want to stop drinking more than anything, it doesn't matter. We just cannot stop.

No one knows exactly why, but alcoholics have lost the power to make our own choices when it comes to drinking. We have no willpower when it comes to drinking. We can't even remember how awful it felt the last time we got drunk. We know that drinking will make a mess of our lives, but knowing that won't keep us from getting drunk. Or we may tell ourselves that this time will be different, and we will handle ourselves better. But we know this is a lie.

To non-alcoholics, we may seem like we don't understand how our actions will affect our lives. We look like we don't understand cause and effect. Or we don't care what happens to us. To non- alcoholics, alcoholics look like we're constantly pressing our bare hands to hot stoves while saying, “It won't burn me this time.”

When alcohol is involved, many alcoholics feel like we aren't able to think at all. Our brains seem to switch off completely. Many of us have started drinking at a bar, thinking a drink or two won't hurt us. As soon as we realize we've had four or five drinks, we pound on the bar in surprise. We say to ourselves, “For God's sake, how did this happen?” As soon as that thought appears in our minds, it's replaced by “Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink.” Or “Does it even matter if I stop?”

This is a dangerous way to think. When alcoholics begin to think like this, we need immediate medical help. Otherwise we may become mentally ill, give ourselves brain damage, or end up dead. This is not an exaggeration. Throughout history, millions of alcoholics have drunk themselves into terrible sickness or early graves. So many want to stop but cannot.

Alcoholism is a life and death situation

But there is a solution. We learned from other people's practices and combined these with our own experiences. We saw that certain actions helped other alcoholics stay sober and adopted them. Things like apologizing to people they had hurt, making lists of their own strengths and weaknesses, and helping other alcoholics get sober. We have collected a set of ideas and actions that could help any alcoholic get sober. It is a kind of “spiritual toolkit.” And when we began to use that toolkit, we found true happiness and a miraculous new way to be in the world.

The great fact is this: We have had deeply spiritual experiences. These experiences have changed our attitudes toward life, toward other alcoholics, and toward God as we understand God. All of us feel this way. We believe that God has entered our hearts and lives in the most miraculous way. By helping us become sober, God has done for us things that we could never do alone.

We believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. There is no “halfway.” There is no compromise. Alcoholics have two options: One is to continue drinking to escape from how awful our lives have become until we eventually die, bitter and alone. The other is to accept spiritual help.

Why alcoholics must connect with a Higher Power

We'd like to share a story that shows how important it is for recovering alcoholics to believe in a Power greater than themselves. Incorporating a Higher Power into the recovery process is critically important.

Years ago, a Rhode Island businessman found himself unable to control his alcoholism. He spent most of his time in hospitals. Even with medical care, he couldn't stop drinking. He had worked with many American doctors but none of them could help him. So he went to Europe to get help from a famous psychiatrist practicing in Switzerland. This doctor helped him understand how his mind and emotions worked. The Rhode Island man left Europe feeling confident that this new self-knowledge would prevent him from drinking again.

But once he was home, he started drinking right away. And he had no idea why.

So he returned to Europe and asked his doctor bluntly why he could not recover. Our alcoholic friend knew he'd lost his self-control, and he desperately wanted to get it back. He felt like he could make wise decisions in other areas of his life, but always made terrible decisions about drinking. He wanted his doctor to explain why this was happening.

In fact, he begged the doctor to be completely honest. The doctor gave him the hard truth. In the doctor's opinion, our alcoholic friend was totally hopeless. He would never stop drinking, and never be able to get his life back on track. The only way for him to stay alive would be to commit himself to a hospital forever or hire a bodyguard to keep him from drinking.

The doctor was being truthful, but it turned out that our friend didn't have to lock himself away to stay sober. He was able to go wherever he wanted and to avoid drinking as long as he maintained a certain attitude, which was brought about by a spiritual transformation.

If you are an alcoholic yourself, you may read this story and think you can do the same thing without spiritual help. You may want to get sober without involving God in your journey. Before you make that decision, let us share the rest of the conversation our alcoholic friend had with his European doctor.

The doctor said, “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. In my whole career, I have never seen anyone in your state of mind get sober.”

Hearing this, our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

He said to the doctor, “Are there any exceptions?”

“Yes there are,” the doctor said. “Over the years, I have seen some exceptions to cases like yours. They have shown up when an alcoholic has something called a ‘vital spiritual experience.' The way I understand them, these experiences are huge emotional events. Events that completely transform the alcoholic's attitudes. They leave behind ideas, feelings, and attitudes that were extremely important to them. A completely new set of ideas, feelings, and attitudes replaces them. It's like they were living in a black-and- white version of the world until the vital spiritual experience, and afterward everything is in bright, vivid color.”

The doctor continued, “Actually, I have been trying to trigger this kind of experience in you. I've been able to do it for some of my patients in the past. I have not done it for anyone who is as ill as you are right now.” (See page 165 for more on the experience the doctor is talking about.)

Hearing this was a relief to our alcoholic friend. He was a regular churchgoer, so he thought maybe he could create a vital spiritual experience for himself. The doctor pointed out that religious belief was not the same thing. Fortunately, our friend found his way to the profound transformation he needed. And it made him a free man.

God, as you understand God

At one time or another, all members of the A.A. Fellowship have felt as desperate as our friend in the story above. We have wanted to escape our alcoholism, and not known how. At first it seemed like a weak idea, but when we fully accepted the love and guidance of God, we were finally able to pull ourselves out of our suffering. We were given new lives, and given a new way to live them.

For as long as humans have walked on the earth, we have connected with God in many different ways. We have called God by many names, and practiced our faith in a variety of ways. In Alcoholics Anonymous, we respect all faiths, spiritual practices, and ways of thinking about God. Members of the Fellowship may feel more comfortable saying “a Higher Power” or “a Power greater than ourselves” or “the Creator.” They may rely on ideas about God that they have held since childhood. Or they may choose to create their own ideas of who or what God is to them right now.

We don't believe that there is only one way to create a relationship with God. We don't believe that there is only one way to find faith. And we are not interested in telling others what or how to believe. But we do believe that all human beings can connect with a Power greater than themselves, if they are willing to try. And we believe that doing so can be simple and rewarding.

Those of us who already practice some form of religion can continue to do that. Nothing in the program will interfere with their religion or beliefs. And those of us who do not practice any specific religion are just as welcome in our Fellowship. We believe that attending religious ceremonies, reading scriptures, or visiting sacred places is a personal choice for each of us to make. We welcome all people, no matter how they connect with their Higher Power. We don't judge anyone, and we practice our own faiths knowing that we won't be judged by other A.A. members. There is no conflict between members about what we believe.

In the next chapter, we will explain alcoholism as we understand it. After that, you'll find a chapter addressed to agnostics (people who aren't sure if God is real). Many people who once doubted God's existence are now A.A. members. You may be surprised to hear that these kinds of doubts don't prevent people from having vital spiritual experiences. They also don't prevent people from eventually connecting with a Higher Power.

In the coming chapters, you will read some stories from alcoholics who learned to embrace the importance of a Higher Power in their recovery journey. Their stories are included here to show how many people across the world have felt exactly as you do. As you hear from them and learn about their experiences, you may see yourself in their stories. You may find yourself saying, “Yes, I am one of them too; I must be an alcoholic after all.”